I envy so much those people without ADD. Those people who can set out to do a task that could take a very long time. So they set aside time every day to do such a task. And when they are done they are so proud. They smile and say: good job you did it! Go you! Go me! Yes I accomplished a great thing.
It could be anything. Trying to get a job, career, go to school, etc. Although going to school I don’t really count as I know I can accomplish such a feat it’s the other stuff everything else. If you don’t have ADD/ADHD you will never get why we think like this. Its okay I have it and I don’t get why I think like this…
Set before you every day is a clean slate a brand new day. You know you can get so much done. You check your to do list. You see you have FIVE hours to do stuff. Your list is long but you can accomplish so much. To do: go online for one hour, one hour write book notes, one hour clean, one hour read. Okay I get it lets do this. Five hours later you smile you are done. You have done everything on your list. You didn’t spend time doing one thing the whole time. Or forget all together what you was going to do. You accomplished stuff.
The most frustrating thing about having ADD is the constant belief by non’s who think ADD is about distraction but its so much more. And its just so much a part of me that it scares me to think that I will never find someone to settle down with who will get this mindset unless they too get it…
I really have some high goals for myself but some not so much. Simple ones: learn guitar, take book notes on trying to get a career going in blogging, work on some book ideas, and so off I go. I make to do list I do it just like everyone else. But its gotten to the point where I am LUCKY if I remember to look at to do list. I think its getting worse the older I get the harder it is to get anything done because I lose interest fast. It doesn’t matter how interesting it is at this moment it doesn’t mean I will be interested tomorrow or next week or next month.
I have ideas all the time wonderful ideas at the time. I look back at them and sigh sadly as they still sound so nice but I don’t want to do them anymore. I honestly sometimes wish I made tiny goals things I could achieve in a few hours and not in a few days, months, years, etc. How do people do this normally? It doesn’t help me at all. Its nice to think about doing such fancy things but I don’t know how to do every day things. And keep doing them.
I mean of course I do stuff normally every day just like everyone else. I get up, I get dressed, I take care of our kids aka pets, I sometimes go away. I brush my teeth, my hair and put on makeup (sometimes), I work out, I go online, at night I read my bible and I write in journals. For some reason THOSE stick just fine. But new things never do.
Often enough I wonder how to figure out to not do this with new stuff. How to have the energy to get stuff done. The motivation is the word I mean. Motivation to keep going one track one thing and keep doing it day after day till its done.
For example I love that thought if you write ONE page a day at the end of the year you will have written a book. Okay that’s fine…but every year when I think about doing this I never actually you know do it. I sigh look around and wonder why I haven’t published anything. How frustrating it is to be a writer who hasn’t really written anything that you know have heard of. I write a NaNo every November somehow I can spin a 50,000 novel out of nowhere in 30 days. Maybe it’s the deadline. But I cant bring myself to simple work on book ideas when its not November. I don’t even write poetry as often as I used to.
And this is ME before Marriage, kids, etc. This is just me single living at home with my parents and pets. If I ever get to that next part of my life IF its meant for me (at this point its all up in the air) I will not where to go next. That’s another blog entry all together…
While sure its nice to blame such issues on the problem of ADD and knowing I cant really do anything about it. I really wish I could. I wish I could so badly. So much. In fact this very blog entry has been in mind for months now. I finally set down to write it. Hurray for me. I am patting myself on the back. You have no idea what it is like to want to be accomplished regular person and get stuff done but get nowhere at all.
On top of being not interested “motivated” there is the distraction itself. I get distracted by just about everything. I swear if I was in a quiet house with just me NO pets either. No noise nothing going on I would still find something to distract me. I think that’s the funny part about ADD. Not only are you distracted by everything you want to be distracted. Life could be simply boring if there isn’t something going on.
I used to have app’s on my ipod a couple those cute to do list reminder things. I think at first I actually you know USED them. But I didn’t really do much past that. I would write stuff down forget about it and days months later be like what did I write in here. Laugh and just do another list. Few months ago a peace of mind was deleting ALL those app’s because frankly if I cant do a to do list when its on paper I cant do it on my ipod. Which is its own distraction.
Okay I am done for the night. I just thought up a nice blog for next time. I just hope I you know write it sooner than this one as it took me months to do this. I did it. I did one thing. Now on to the million more I want to do…
