I am exhausted!

I am tired pretty much like I always am. Its exhausting being me. It is exhausting every day getting up with so much planned to do. A whole day of no leaving home. And getting little done. This is why I never clean and if I do its one thing and done. This is why I am still living at home. This is why I am still single. I am not pro active enough in my own life. Because of the way I feel. Everything that I HAVE to do takes energy. Sometimes even doing those are tiring but I do them because I know I have to do them. Daily. My dog needs meds. She needs to go outside. I have to clean my mouth guard. I have to change my earrings. My sisters plant needs to be watered since the rain season is going away it needs to be done twice a week. I need to shave. The pets waters and food need to be filled. So you think because I do all that I can do simple things like. Apply for a new job or an internship. How about looking at dating websites. How about cleaning ANYTHING. Even reading my love is hard to do. Its just so much energy. First I have to want to do such a thing. Putting it on a to do list IF I make one is a cute way to begin. Then I have to actually do it. But when I am tired, which is nearly daily, even if I have the whole day at home not working no school no plans, it is just plain HARD! Miracles today: I put the towels in and washed them and dryed them they still need to come out but I am almost done. I had to add washing two things my dog decided to pee on then clean up that pee why Rainbow why. I actually re potted my sisters cactus a plan I was going to do. It was messy dirt everywhere. Then I hung out my wind chimes because I not only remembered to this even if I got them months ago I actually found them (Had no idea where they were) and did it. Well after all that I was spent. I sat around watching tv for 45min a movie I had not seen decided it was dumb wondered why I even wasted time watching the ending when I never saw it in the first place. Dumb and Dumber too nope. Well after that I went on a walk also planned came home. Then things went down hill. I was suppose to eat m sandwich, pant my finger nails and toe nails (did that too!) then come online and apply for internships and do a few other things. Like catch up my live journal blog I am behind by 5 days. But I took way too long to come on here. My energy spent. Its almost 10pm. My sister will be home soon. The one internship I finally go to apply for and it wont let me past the first page. IT has one of those dumb put so many letters and numbers together to sign in. Well I DID THAT like at least 20x. It wont let me sign in. My computer got stupid with the internet connection its issue that comes up for several days in a row every few months. WHY I down loaded some songs from itunes been wanting. That was good. And now my only day off till Monday is gone. And I got nothing done. Most people average people PEOPLE WITHOUT THIS BRAIN DAMAGE just do not get why its so hard for us ADD/ADHD people to get stuff done. Why its hard to do the simplest of tasks and finish them. You just do not get it. I am exhausted I am tired ALL THE TIME. I just cant do things when I am tired. And when I am tired all the time. My depression gets the best of me. I have social anxiety, depression, OCD, autism, perfectionist, introvert and ADD. I am a simple mess. And doing anything daily is hard enough but doing stuff that is both important and necessary is impossible. Btw Christians can and do get depressed and suffer issues. My issues are hidden they are in me. They eat away at me. Daily. Nothing can be done but deal. And wish I had more energy to stop being so frustrated to get stuff done that I need to do I really do NEED to do it but I just cant no matter what or how much I want to try sigh

One track mind...the never finished "to do list" so hard...

I envy so much those people without ADD. Those people who can set out to do a task that could take a very long time. So they set aside time every day to do such a task. And when they are done they are so proud. They smile and say: good job you did it! Go you! Go me! Yes I accomplished a great thing.

It could be anything. Trying to get a job, career, go to school, etc. Although going to school I don’t really count as I know I can accomplish such a feat it’s the other stuff everything else. If you don’t have ADD/ADHD you will never get why we think like this. Its okay I have it and I don’t get why I think like this…

Set before you every day is a clean slate a brand new day. You know you can get so much done. You check your to do list. You see you have FIVE hours to do stuff. Your list is long but you can accomplish so much. To do: go online for one hour, one hour write book notes, one hour clean, one hour read. Okay I get it lets do this. Five hours later you smile you are done. You have done everything on your list. You didn’t spend time doing one thing the whole time. Or forget all together what you was going to do. You accomplished stuff.

The most frustrating thing about having ADD is the constant belief by non’s who think ADD is about distraction but its so much more. And its just so much a part of me that it scares me to think that I will never find someone to settle down with who will get this mindset unless they too get it…

I really have some high goals for myself but some not so much. Simple ones: learn guitar, take book notes on trying to get a career going in blogging, work on some book ideas, and so off I go. I make to do list I do it just like everyone else. But its gotten to the point where I am LUCKY if I remember to look at to do list. I think its getting worse the older I get the harder it is to get anything done because I lose interest fast. It doesn’t matter how interesting it is at this moment it doesn’t mean I will be interested tomorrow or next week or next month.

I have ideas all the time wonderful ideas at the time. I look back at them and sigh sadly as they still sound so nice but I don’t want to do them anymore. I honestly sometimes wish I made tiny goals things I could achieve in a few hours and not in a few days, months, years, etc. How do people do this normally? It doesn’t help me at all. Its nice to think about doing such fancy things but I don’t know how to do every day things. And keep doing them.

I mean of course I do stuff normally every day just like everyone else. I get up, I get dressed, I take care of our kids aka pets, I sometimes go away. I brush my teeth, my hair and put on makeup (sometimes), I work out, I go online, at night I read my bible and I write in journals. For some reason THOSE stick just fine. But new things never do.

Often enough I wonder how to figure out to not do this with new stuff. How to have the energy to get stuff done. The motivation is the word I mean. Motivation to keep going one track one thing and keep doing it day after day till its done.

For example I love that thought if you write ONE page a day at the end of the year you will have written a book. Okay that’s fine…but every year when I think about doing this I never actually you know do it. I sigh look around and wonder why I haven’t published anything. How frustrating it is to be a writer who hasn’t really written anything that you know have heard of. I write a NaNo every November somehow I can spin a 50,000 novel out of nowhere in 30 days. Maybe it’s the deadline. But I cant bring myself to simple work on book ideas when its not November. I don’t even write poetry as often as I used to.

And this is ME before Marriage, kids, etc. This is just me single living at home with my parents and pets. If I ever get to that next part of my life IF its meant for me (at this point its all up in the air) I will not where to go next. That’s another blog entry all together…

While sure its nice to blame such issues on the problem of ADD and knowing I cant really do anything about it. I really wish I could. I wish I could so badly. So much. In fact this very blog entry has been in mind for months now. I finally set down to write it. Hurray for me. I am patting myself on the back. You have no idea what it is like to want to be accomplished regular person and get stuff done but get nowhere at all.

On top of being not interested “motivated” there is the distraction itself. I get distracted by just about everything. I swear if I was in a quiet house with just me NO pets either. No noise nothing going on I would still find something to distract me. I think that’s the funny part about ADD. Not only are you distracted by everything you want to be distracted. Life could be simply boring if there isn’t something going on.

I used to have app’s on my ipod a couple those cute to do list reminder things. I think at first I actually you know USED them. But I didn’t really do much past that. I would write stuff down forget about it and days months later be like what did I write in here. Laugh and just do another list. Few months ago a peace of mind was deleting ALL those app’s because frankly if I cant do a to do list when its on paper I cant do it on my ipod. Which is its own distraction.

Okay I am done for the night. I just thought up a nice blog for next time. I just hope I you know write it sooner than this one as it took me months to do this. I did it. I did one thing. Now on to the million more I want to do…

Free time and writing...oh the (not) joys!

Here's something not everyone will get who doesn't have ADD or ADHD. It zaps every bit of my energy getting from getting up to getting to bed. And when I have those small spaces of time that are FREE I don't do anything productive!

Sure I have stuff to do. This happened since I was a kid. During the Summer. If I wasn't reading or watching tv I was just bored. Did I have stuff to do? Sure! But did I do it? Nope. I was raised before internet, cell phones, and facebook. I pretty much had 3 choices if I was bored: going outside, reading a book or watching tv. I don't complain I loved my childhood but those were my choices...

I didn't even know I had ADD back then. I thought I was just a normal weird kid who daydreamed a lot and was super messy. I'm really glad I didn't know I had it back then. I didn't discover it till around the time I discovered all my messy issues. Perfectionist, worrier, panic attacks, messy, ADD,..

So with that in mind I have this list I made all this stuff I want to do but never do. Its like the great life list. Its not a bucket list, I have that too, its a life long to do list stuff I want to do but may never do. I usually stick to the basics because they are simple and easy and I can do those. I can get up, go online, read a book, watch tv or a movie, etc. But complex things like being all I am supposed to be sound exhausting.

Looking back it could explain why I am not in my career or a published writer. Because those take both time and dedication something that not many will get. I was just reading a book written but a famous guy with ADHD and he said how hard it had been to write a book! It had been literally a battle to get past a page or two of writing (makes me wonder how long it took to write it). And I feel a bit sad but better.

I can now blame my failed dreams on the reality my brain damage is keeping me from doing things I both love and want to do. And if I don't figure HOW to get past them I will never get a book published. I will always just have a *list* that I will never complete and die like this because its how I am.

People don't get it. They think its easy. To not be distracted must be wonderful. But if it was just distraction simple distractions it would be fine. My mind is constantly thinking and distracting itself. I am wondering still how I got a degree in college. But then again I love to think I am very smart and I like to have stuff to do. So there you go.

Of course I want to publish something. I write poetry easily whenever I am inspired but even that can be a task if I am not inspired. They say you don't and shouldn't write just when inspired. But us with ADD deal with this. Inspiration if it doesn't strike.

Putting this all together I wondered how I was able to do National Novel Writing Month every year since 2008? Why? Its a DEADLINE. I have to do this in a month. I have to type so many words every day. They don't have to make sense. Plus I don't have to plan it out. Books real books that people take a while to write sometimes take planning. And with NANO you are forced to do a book without planning it really out. Therefore I think NaNo is really a blessing for those with ADD. But a task after. I still have at least 2 or 3 books I've written so far I want to publish but I cant seem to bring myself to edit them out. But I wrote them isn't that great?

Accomplish any task I set before myself to do and doing it is a miracle. I should reward myself for such tiny things I get done on my to do list because it took a whole lot of brain power to accomplish such things.

So the next time I scold myself for not having done much to this point in my life. I can just pause and recall. Brain damage ADD and all it does to me. Its not me being lazy and stupid. Its not my fault. I must find a way to unlearn relearn and be a changed person. Even if it takes the rest of my life to do that & finish my life time to do list...

The UPS and DOWNS

For anyone who thinks A.D.D. is made up or everyone has it, that is 100% true. The world would be a crazy place if that was true just imagine. I can because I have it and I dont believe everyone else has it too so dont say that.

I wanted to explain now something that been thinking about a lot. Its the ups and downs of this disease of the brain.

Regular people get excited when something comes up and then when its over they might be okay or they might be a little sad. That is NORMAL.

But not for A.D.D. people like me. I get excited about things just like normal because its something to look forward to. Anxious as it gets closer. But instead of enjoying it when its here from seeing a movie I wanted to see, to going to a theme park, etc something fun. I want it to be over. Half way through I want it to be done. I just want it over. And when its over I drop into saddness and depression because its done.

Its only gotten worse over the years. I think I used to actually enjoy things and not be anxious in the middle but now its gotten to the point where I am UP then DOWN more quickly.

I live my life day to day trying to be excited for something. But when I have NOTHING going on nothing to look forward to I am sad even more and depressed even more. I wish I could have something to look forward to.

With no clue what to do about this I just carry on. But its one of those unhappy things about having this. Being super up then dropping super fast. Its like climbing on a roller coaster the hill's are usually even for most people you climb up and drop down same length. But for those of us with ADD you climb far but drop farther and quicker then you planned. Its pretty scary indeed.

No touchy!

Hi I have ADD and I dont like to be touched. I have always been this way ALWAYS. As a kid I never knew the reason why. Especially by guys. As a kid that was my dad I hated being hugged, or patted on the arm. Same thing as now. I dont like being touched.

I never knew till my 20's when I was in college that it was because of ADD it explained a ton. I know I still do it I cant help it.

I'm not even a big germ person who hated being touched cause of germs. I also have no clue why.

My parents friend at church today said to my sister that he would come see me upstairs and I would probably still be "all dont touch me". What? Yeah if I didnt think I came off as that I truly do. I come off as dont touch me.

The ONLY comfort I have is that when I want to be touched by friends guys and girls or anyone I do allow to be touched. Hugged is the biggest issue for me. So I guess in the end if I want to be touched I will let them. But most of the time I dont.

Hands off!

Christian with a problem

First of all. I believe that God gives all people what they are born with. From anger issues to ADD.

So having my issue isn't easy as a Christian. Imagine how we are told we should learn, control, mature. But I can't recall my lessons and so I'm maturing slower or not at all.

Then there's prayer, worship, Bible studies and reading the Bible.

Let's start with prayer. You are told quiet your mind, focus on God don't think of anything else. Yeah right! I try but my mind goes on a ride while I'm praying. I can't help it.

Worship is great. Till something from a light to a person distracts me. Then I get bored wanting it to be over so the message can be done.

Bible studies are great. If there's humor and themes. Not verse by verse same old. I try to take notes but find drawing is better or other stuff. I bring small things to do instead. I always hear the study but I need to be doing other stuff.

Bible reading is bad too. I have to be interested in what I'm reading. It's why I like my yearly Bible. I dont have to try to figure out what to read. I love lots of Bible books. Don't get me wrong but when your minds wanders and you get bored easily it's just not fun.

Don't get me wrong. I love being a believer and ADD is just a thorn in my side. God understands the struggles. I just wish more Christians with the issue of ADD would speak out.

I'd love to expand more on this perhaps even write a book. Help others. But I can't for now as I don't know how to live better myself.

Till I write again

A.D.D. and Job Interviews (this could be a problem!)

So I have had a few job interviews since we moved 3 months ago and I think a few of them I went and did my A.D.D. thing. At the time I didnt know I was doing it so I didnt realize I'd probably recked my job chances by doing them but...it happens to the best of us.

I'd first advice before a job interview:

1. Get sleep (it makes a HUGE difference)

2. DONT have sugar of any kind if you can HELP it (within a good 2 plus hrs before the interview if nothing else).

My first train reck came when I hadnt gotten sleep. Well I had 2 job interviews in a row. I thought I'd nailed my first one well. But now that I look back I realized I was talking too much at the interview, not listening and giving too much information. These are all *key* things that are from A.D.D. At the time I mistook that I was having a nice conversation with my interview guy. Yeah he might have ADD too so who knows what he truly took from it. But either way we talked too much and I think that was bad.

So right after my first interview I was still tired decided it MIGHT be safe to get some sugar. So I got a small chocolate milk at the 99cent store and went to the next interview. This time it was at the Mills and it was for Bath & Body. I had never had an interview with ANY B&B and it excited me. So we had a group thing but it was just 2 of us (1 didnt show). And it would have been fine till she asked me why I wanted to work at the store. I had sugar so I thought this sounded okay. But lmk what you think. I realized what I'd said hours later at home and still laugh over it:

"I want to work for your store because its so bright. I dont just mean the staff who is always so nice and friendly but the store itself. I've been in MANY different stores but none are as LITE UP as this store is!"

So I learned from that one not to talk about stores in general...or so I thought (see below haha).

I know I screwed up one for Claire's cause I well you know just took too long to answer a few questions...not a good idea I might add!! That was ADD too I know it was.

My last example was simply this. Dont tell the person anything about their store. I dont know why but I decided NOT once but TWICe to tell them at Childrens Place that she had the largest store I'd ever seen. Its one thing to do that but it prooved I didnt have anything else to say so I shouldnt be saying anything at all. Put it out of misery stop stalling and LEAVE!!

From all this I learned not only not to have sugar, not to be too tired but not to talk so much. Listen to questions, answer them, and try to not let my replies and their go off somewhere. Needless to say I'm sure the guy at Bookmans might have hired me. But either I really did talk too much, he forgot about me, or in the end realized he had ADD who needs another goofy person around like me?

You cant hide your ADD but at least for the love of pete and all thats normal just try to act normal. Just for that tiny spot of about 15 to 30 mint.

Shopping is NOT for people with ADD

I was just looking around Target the other day. I wasnt going to buy anything, and trust me I didnt. I really didnt have any money (thankfully!) but I've decided to declare that another thing that is not good for people with ADD is shopping.

You think you came for one thing but look at. You are stuck in an area of a store that is just filled with clothes. And they all look great. School shopping was my favorite time of the year. Not just cause I didnt pay for the clothes but because I liked new things. We didnt get them often as I wanted to. But there you go shopping.

Now shopping for the ADD person is bad because you get distracted. You see this and that your eyes are constantly wandering around. Now I'm not talking like you are trying to look for one thing, but if you are trying to get a dress and you end up with pants and a shirt know why. Hello ADD distractions!

I'd advise if you are going to go shopping NO coffee, NO sugar or you will be there much longer. While pick me ups are great for some people, the distractions from the ADD kicking in will be far not worth the wait for the shopping. So if you gotta go shopping dont bring along the sugary stuff.

I personally hate shopping. It takes too much time, its too distracting, it costs money.

Of course the number one winner for ADD people is credit cards! Now dont get me started on my issues with them but if you got a card everything becomes an emergency. You want to use it all the time. You forget what life is like when you didnt have it. Forget not shopping, you want to cause you can. And then you pay for it for years.

So I'd advise you not to have sugar, not to have a credit card and if at all possible avoid shopping. If you are with someone else with ADD this also spells trouble so the best way to shop is sugar free, credit free and alone. If all else fails set a limit, a time and be out of there quick as you can.

Or the shopping monster will eat you up!

Till I remember to write again...

Tips for Organizing...ADD style!

As a kid I never got why I couldnt be organized. Trust me, I TRIED! I tried everything. I would clean my room, my desk, whatever and wonder why two days later it was well on its way to being the same mess if not messier! So I would give up. I probably cleaned my desk area at least once every other month. It was nice when it was organized but I found I couldnt find anything.

Thats the problem with ADD you forget where things are when they are organized. Then again I also forget where things are when they are a mess. But at least I'm sure they are in the pile that I set them in (and most of the time they are). I recall I used to try to organize my desk and then write on a notebook what containers by the desk I had put stuff in. It worked at first...for a little bit. Till I lost the notebook or I forgot to keep putting it down.

I once read in order to keep track of your money (this is not for ADD people!) write it down in a notebook. I tried this for a while, every purchase it didnt last long. I couldnt ever keep a food notebook either for long. Its A)boring and B)I forgot to do it (or lost the dang thing!).

So the whole point of todays entry is about being organized with ADD cause its simply not easy! But if you must try to be organized for the sake of being organized do so that you will remember where things are.

1. Write stuff down in a place you will not only remember to do it (put it where you go the most!) but so you will remember

2. Also write stuff down on the go, on paper and with a pen or pencil. Although using your iphone, ipod, or even your cell phone is a nice idea you need to remember to actually look at those

3. Make it a habbit to always not only have pen and paper with you, but be checking these at night. You can remember to do certain things this just needs to become a habbit you keep. You brush your teeth, you feed the dog, you get dressed. Make it a habbit!

4. Get clear containers. My latest favorite! If you can afford to organize your space with containers GO CLEAR! It not only is a great idea but you can see whats in it. In fact make sure you can see whats in it. This shouldnt be a problem from drawers, to containers of all kinds and shapes and sizes you can be organized!

Now I need to follow my own tips...but for now I must say that have ADD is no fun. You dont want to be organized, or if you do you cant keep it. I have yet to learn how to keep it but you can learn along with me...why not?

Till I remember to write again....

Lost Track of Time

As someone with A.D.D. its not hard to loose track of time. Now most people do this on occasion but I find I do it a lot more than just once in a while. And I think it has to do with A.D.D.

For example. I go online. I have to first remember WHY I went online. It wasnt to check my facebook, my twitter, or emails. I had a purpose. Sure I might want to do those but I shouldnt be. On occasion I will look at the list I put on my ipod or my phone. But most times I try to wing it. Thats not a good idea. For I might get something done but it will take longer cause I will be distracted and loose track of time.

Since we dont have wifi at home (except when we borrow from the neighbors heehee) we have limited times, and days online. Now you would think on those days when we arent online meaning Mel and me. We would be writing down stuff to do online. I do this and loose the list or forget about them. So we have only like 1 to 3 hrs (on a rare occasion we have been online for 4 or 5hrs and man does my butt hurts LOL). In that time we are to do certain things.

I get distracted and loose track of time. Suddenly I've spent 1hr on Facebook we only had 1.5 hrs oh no. They I try to rush to do what I came to do and end up not getting it all done. I just lost track of time!

Now this happens more than just online trust me. Its not that hard to let everything get distracting. Even when I am doing something I want to do or love to do. Reading a book doesnt mean i wont get distracted if I forget about something or think of something. Its amazing how often my brain will suddenly think of something when I should be doing something else. Even sleeping. I have tried to in more recent weeks keep track of things before bed or when I get up in my ipod or on paper. The habbit isnt sticking well because I might write it down but forget to look at it next day. Starting to think this plan doesnt work! ha.

I was reading the paper one day and we were going to do laundry. I thought I could just glimpse at it and be done in 5 mint. Imagine my shock when almost 30 mint had passed, Mel was mad and it was all cause I lost track of time.

Are you getting the picture? No matter what I do I cant keep track of the important things without loosing track of time. Its a given. A.D.D.=loose track of time.

So if you have A.D.D. and you got lost in my blog. I'm sorry. My point being was just that...dont loose track of time. Try to find ways to do this. And if you do please lmk I am still trying to figure it out myself! :)

Till I remember to write again...


NOTE: Thanx to Mel for idea on this. She lost her watch for a few hours the other day and joked she'd "lost track of time" and made me think of the idea :)

ADD doesnt mix well with...

So I have decided there are certain things that do not mix well when you have A.D.D. I'm not talking the simplest ones like Sugar, or Not Getting Sleep. I'm talking things that arent a good idea. Here are a few that I wanted to throw out there.

1. Office jobs. Not only is that so boring just THINKING about it I dont think I could stand it! Imaging sitting at a desk. Now maybe if you worked in the front office of a vet I thought that might be fun. I've tried for that type job a few times no success

2.My favorite is LARGE houses. After doing some yellow page delivering to a neighborhood filled with HUGE houses I have decided that it would NOT be a good idea to EVER live in a house that big with A.D.D. Let me tell you why. In our place with two bedrooms, a living room dining room, kitchen, 1.5baths we still loose things ALL the time. Sometimes cause the place is messy. But the most biggest reason is cause we both set things down and forget about where it was put. Not only forget we dont remember we did it at all! I was just imagining loosing stuff in a HUGE house. Just think about it. You might have like 6 rooms, 3 bathrooms, several living rooms, a large garage. The possibilities are endless that you not only WOULD loose stuff but WHERE and WHEN. I would go insane. I cant keep track of stuff in our place. What would that mean in a huge house?

I will come up with more later. But for now. If you got A.D.D. dont work at an office and NO BIG HOUSES!

Got it? Or did you get so distracted you thought you were reading this...if not cheers and see you on the other side! :)

Till I remember this again.

To Marry Someone Like Me?

So my sister said to me tonight that she thinks that she cant marry someone unless they have A.D.D. and guess what?I think she is right! I am talking not just about her I am talking about *ME* too!

If you dont have ADD how would you deal with such things I deal with daily:
1. Disorganized to the max
2. Constantly forgetting things
3. Strange sense of humor
4. Talks a lot and very fast (trying to talk as fast as I think)
5. Cant be around too much sugar without blurting out or doing stupid things
6. Bored easily
7. Does several things at once (with NO promise of finishing any of them)
8. Daydreams
9. Always late


So that got me thinking back to all those guys I was interested in from grammer school through college and beyond. I never once I thought to myself hey that person has ADD or not. Sure I didnt even know *I* had ADD (never been tested but 110% sure I have it) till I was in college but yeah its there. So was it in those guys?

I get attracted to guys for different reasons. From how they look (I was attracted to a friend who was at least 7yrs younger than me and NOT straight!), to how they act, to things I find in common. But ADD who would do that?

Makes me worry. We joke about it now, but if we meaning me and he have ADD we might forget where we leave the kids, or forget to pick them up and do it often. How do paretns who have ADD and most certaintly will pass that along to our kids deal?

I've heard having ADD does things for you in certain private areas. I never really was a big hugger especially with guys! Man what does that do when you get more personal? I heard the whole touchy w/guys (for girls) was another ADD thing.

There is this book called "ADD and Romance" and I was looking at it once becuase it was really interesting. It talked about how you should act should you have ADD and they dont. It also gave plenty of tips for the person who DOESNT have ADD but wants to be supportive of the person they are dating or married to that has it.

No wonder I interrupted my mom so much. Hello ADD! My teachers called me a "daydreamer" thats the quiet version of ADD.

Huh. So I can make a list for the guy I marry. It goes something like this:

1. Christian
2. Taller then me
3. Gets my sense of humor
4. AND has A.D.D.

Add on to that...not more than 3 yrs younger or 10 yrs older (I changed that one more recently used to be 1 yr younger, 4 yrs older but then I ran into some people who were more mature and 10 yrs younger or not mature enough and 2yrs younger yeah you get the picture).

So anyways I thought I would just think about it now on my little ADD blog...how would it go if they didnt have it.

They'd never get my actions, or why on sugar I act like I'm drunk, they'd never get my talking fast, acting strange, my sense of humor or my constantly forgetting things.

A.D.D. affects EVERY area of my life. As a Christian prayer, bible reading, even church! And that goes for everything for ADD is a brain defect and ADD is me!

So in all that I say...I should marry someone with ADD. So anyone with it feel free to apply haha ;) Kidding!!!!!

till next time see ya!

Wait...What was I doing?

I blame sugar! You might too if you have ADD and you decide to anything of any kind of importance! You will too blame sugar if you have it and you get distracted...

Now ADD can be controlled sorta. I usually cant be controlled by what I say and sometimes actions. I try for heavens sake to hold tight to my actions if I am in public. Minus the shaking legs, clicking pens, the things that say: That girl had TOO much sugar!

Hi, I'm Holly. I am 30 and act like I am 5 with too much sugar cause I have ADD.

That was distraction right? So here is how its been going and always has. Worse with sugar which is why I mentioned it. Whether I am talking to Melody or someone else (with ADD) we will be talking and forget what we were saying...cause something distracted us. Not just one of us. Its bad when I am alone and the other doesnt seem to have ADD. So I distract myself, forget what I was saying and have to bring myself back.

But its a lot worse when I am with someone with ADD and we get distracted. Simple things do this and cause us to look at each other and say "What was I doing?" or "What was I saying?" or "What were we talking about?"

Sometimes I think ADD has such big blessings. I can get as goofy as a person drunk on well you know DRUNK when I simply have sugar. Therefore I am loud and goofy and insane and lots of clumsy tripping. I'm never drunk when I do this. Drinks and me do not mix so that is why I do not drink. :)

So people who want to have ADD think its all games its all fun. Its all well fun. No its not. But since we are on this subject let me say that ADD people go well together.

Makes me wonder will I marry someone with ADD? Its a slight possiblity! And I kinda hope it will be that just that me and him and me forgetting where the heck the kids are!

We have a few ADD friends. Its hard to break us up. We end up talking for hours cause we cant stop.

Out of breath and we just want to get it out and well it doesnt always work out so...its ADD at its best and worst.

So what was I talking about? Lets just say having ADD as a writer is something else. I distract myself by typing and end up typing about lots of subjects. Sticking to one is almost impossible. So if this entry made any sense then you got my ADD humor. If not then I'm sorry you are not part of this club. But enjoy watching me still from the side :)

Till next time.

The forgotten item and thats why!!

I have a sad story that happens a lot and I thought I would say it. Not like boo-hoo sad but like thats annoying and sad thing. Its all to do with ADD and my wallet this past Saturday.

What I do is keep all my stuff to put in my "pockets" (I dont do the whole purse thing!) by the door in two little baskits. Well I was about to leave with Mel and was putting my things in my pocket. I realized that my pediometer needed to be written down, and reset and then put on my pocket. So I stopped putting stuff in my pocket and reset it after I had written it down.

Then I ate lunch and we left, down the street about 5 mint away about to go to the library I realized...my WALLET (well kinda thing) was NOT WITH ME! What happened? It was at home of course!

In the midst of trying to do my whole pediometer thing I had looked at, but forgot to put my wallet in my pocket. After I wrote down my time I had gone on to eat and go out the door and even if I had looked it and looked it for real I might not have even thought about it that my wallet wasnt with me! omg So we had to come back home!

For crying out loud!!

The other night I was looking on our table for the air thing to put in the canster (it still hasnt reappeared) I think our orange tabby has stolen it and lost it on the floor. What can I do? But I looked several times on the table for it not noticing that the tyenol container was also there. Even though my leg was achy and I was going to take some of it I never once even looked it and thought hey thats what I need. I dont know why it was still on the table but it was. I kept looking and didnt pay attention. Then I went upstairs spent 10 mint looking for that bottle. Came back down and looked omg its on the table! Why didnt I see it? Cause it was under my nose.

I call it under the nose problem. With ADD half the time I am SO intent on simply trying to get what I need I sometimes overlook the things I forgot or need as well.

Yes its true. I have that issue of I wouldnt have seen that snake even if it had bit me on the leg!

Oh the joys of ADD I wish I could say its getting better. Sadly mommy, its not!

Till next time...

Check the roof! Didnt I tell you that? What about in the car?

So you think you know A.D.D. is all about forgetting things...believe it or not the worst place to loose something is the ROOF! And also for fun I have another section below this one...

I have many a story on this thing but here are my favorites:

• My mom used to leave her TEA on the roof a nice cold glass in a plastic cup (the glass was actually glass protected by plastic sorta). Now she did this several times, the cup would slid off the roof and end up falling, mom would see it and stop. But then again it didnt always turn out so well. It did break the cup a few times, she had doubles. She did this so much it was scary! But funny!
• Mel and me were driving out one day, it had been raining. I had put her "key chain" necklace that attached to her keychains but she had detached to get in the car. Well it was on the roof. It flew off, we dont know when it happened. We came home that night, in the dark we looked for a while in the rain, it was probably on the grass but long gone. All cause I put it up there.
• One time I was going to college, mom was driving our van. I put my bagel sandwhich I had just made for breakfast on the roof. Well we did our usual turn around to go the other way up the street and then I went "wheres my sandwhich?" Yeah it was still on the roof, dont know how and I got it just fine. Thankful it didnt slid off!
• Driving from the river area one day, we left my tennis shoes and socks on the roof. Not until we were outside the river area driving down the busy street did Mel see my shoes slide down the back window! Several feet up she stopped and ran back to get them. Thankfully cars were going around these costly shoes...I didnt care about the socks but she managed to get them too.
• Wheres your backpack? I said turning to Mel. We had just left the mall parking lot, her blue lego backpack was missing. We had gone to KFC when we noticed just down the street. We turned around went back to the mall parking lot. Being tired that day it had slidden of the roof and someone had nicely put it by a tree unharmed. Glad someone was so nice but sorry that we didnt check the roof and almost loose her favorite bag! Oops!

Now for those left in the car stories here you go:

• Mom went to move Mels car one day back in Anaheim. She wanted to move Mel to the handicapped parking spot so Mel would be okay when the street sweeper came. She asked Mel for the handicapped sign. Well turns out she still had it. So mom goes to the car to get it. She finds Mels club off, the keys in the ignation, and the doors unlocked! Now thankfully she didnt get her car stollen...
• So mom was bad too. Few times I would ask her things I saw already outside. One time I looked out and saw that her tea was still on the roof of the car with her in the house. I asked her where it was.
• Another time I went mom wheres your keys? Oh they were there all right still hanging in the car ignition. Mind you she did this a few times.
• Not really a car story mom once left her keys hanging in the door to come in the house! Not to be beat Mel last year did the same thing at our new place. But she did it ALL night long. Our neighbor he thought it was so funny when he saw it when he got up the next day. I guess she was tired...
• Mel has left her keys in the car so many times we have an on going joke about it, where should we put her keys now? My favorite being the day that she locked her key in the car, I locked my HOUSE keys in the car all outside of our apartment laundry room. We spent a half hour trying to get in, left the car in one hour too. While she tried to break in I had to go and try to break in the apartment. I decided to see if the window still broken and open, it was. I pushed my way in and got my phone still at home, and opened the door for Mel. She had to call about the car key of course seeing mine was still in the car too along with my house key. Whos geneous idea was that one?
• One day Mel was doing her usual locked key in car thing, she was like where is it, yes locked in the car and where else? In the ignition!
• So one night in Oceanside I went in the house and left the back of Mels car open all night long. We were only too glad that the car was still there the next day (same one as the one mom found with more invitations then this to be stolen!).
• This isnt a car story, its a garage story. A few times while living in Oceanside we would leave the garage door open. Not just us, our parents too. Back in Anaheim came home in the middle of the night to find dad had turned off the garage light but left the door open. Ah how nice way to get in the house and steal stuff!

So lesson learned here with ADD check the roof, check the car and make sure if you are going in for the night nothing important is in the car, or in some cases the keys arent still in the house door!! :))

Oh thats right, no thats right, oh it is right, oh...

One of the worst things I find about having A.D.D. is this stupid feature. I have a name for it. Its the OH THATS RIGHT feature. This is how it goes, it ALWAYS goes.

You have something you know you need to do, want, have to buy, etc. So you try to remind yourself. You know you have ADD but you dont care. So you put it some place PLANNING to recall it later on. You even sometimes try to remind yourself.

Okay doing alright so far. Till you forget about it all together. I cant tell you how many things I have in my wallet that I keep forgetting to take out because the only time I think about it is I am looking through my wallet to buy something or record stuff in the check book. Its never to just get that item. It takes me weeks sometimes to recall to take out that thing!

Or we need to buy something, but the ONLY time we recall to buy it is we see the stuff that is at home we need more of and then without a list (we never make them!) we go off to the store and dont buy that item because we keep forgetting!

How many times have I looked at Mel or she looks at me and goes "where is that?" and the other goes OH I FORGOT IT. Why? Oh it was in the a spot we were 100% positive we would go to again and see it, but instead we were so trying to get whatever we were thinking about at the time we forgot it. By the door when we are leaving, on the a/c right by the door. On the bag by the door. Even if we are walking by it and running out the door doesnt matter where it is, if we arent thinking about it we forget it.

This happens a lot and its very annoying. More and more lately we have to run back inside because we have to remember that.

Oh thats right, I recall it...but dont do a thing...next time same thing...next time. Its no wonder we have to shop almost every day, we always are forgetting things. Then we turn to each other and say "remind me to get that" and then the other person forgets what was said and we still forget it.

I love A.D.D. so much!!

More to come...

Beginnings

Hi my name is Holly. I have A.D.D. You know that thing where you get very distracted...all the time. And all the fun that goes with it.

But lets just say that I didnt always think I had A.D.D. because I had a version more quiet then the normal one. And still its the same thing. More of the daydreamer, messy person in the family. Mom without even testing me (after my sister was confirmned to have ADHD) said that I had the version not everyone notices...the day dreamer.

Well when I heard that I had such a horrible thing I felt sad and ashamned. I felt like I had a disease I didnt ask for, and was thrust upon me since I was little and only now did I know. At the same time I was glad. It explained so much about me. The messy tendency, the collecting things, not finishing things, daydreaming and being distracted.

The only person to be test was my middle sister, none others. But we both pretty positive both our parents have the gene to pass it on. They just might not admit it...now they say that a lot of people do have A.D.D. and they out grow those little things after they are small kids. With drugs some that have it in adulthood can be just fine. Then comes along people like me and my sister and pretty much many people I know (who wont admit it but do have it we are pretty sure!).

We are the loud people you see tripping. The ones who get distracted so much we leave things in the oddest of places, and dont even recall doing it. I hear it gets worse when you loose things of structure such as school. It doesnt help to move out on your own. Since we left our parents care two years back we meaning me and my sister Melody have both noticed that our A.D.D. things seem to get only worse not better...and worse by everything and stress isnt the greatest thing.

Take for example in the last few weeks I have lost my California ID card. Its broken my heart to say that. Not only will I have to fork out $12 before December when it was to expire to replace it, but its the last piece of Cali that I shall have. Now I have nothing. I am hoping my school ID might be okay till then...what else can I do? Nothing! Now where is it? I dont do this kinda of thing but I cant say I never have...after all I left my 'planner' in the mall bathroom when I used work at B&N the first time in California...and the next day found someone had stolen it and used the card debit one for stuff almost $100 worth, and well lets just say that having ADD can suck at times.

I also almost overdrew my account when I "forgot" to record something in my checkbook. I have been so careful to not do this for ages now, and scold my sister for her not taking time to do so herself. Then I went and spent $2.48 and didnt realize it was not there for 2 weeks later and almost had a big problem that I didnt know I had...

Hold on...I'm getting ahead of myself. This will be a blog, that I shall hope to write in when I can. All kinds of funny, stupid and sometimes not so great stuff that I have done due to A.D.D.

If you want a fine example of A.D.D. heres one more. Few weeks ago as we left the river area after a workout we drove off...with my tennis shoes and socks on the roof! They flew off in the street Mel had to stop the car several feet away and run back to get them and thankfully no cars hit them, but went around them...

Thats ADD in action. I am not anonymous, I say I have ADD on all my descriptions so people might "get it" and maybe they wont.

Bright lights, pretty colors, the sky, the sun, the stars, and the green grass. If seen at the right time this might distract me too...but now I'm going off. Leave lots of goods for next time.

So catch me back here again and again. Soon as I recall its here, as I put up all sorts of stories of Mel, or me or both as we live out our ADD now in our adult years away from home...